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A Quarterly Journal
Jeffrey Woodward, Founder & General Editor
Volume 8, Number 1, March 2014

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Peter Butler
London, England


. . . And now for the Weather Forecast January 1st, 2204

The Government has ordered a Grade 3 rainstorm for Monday between 6.00 and 9.00 pm and my wife is furious. It's her birthday and she's got two dozen coming to the barbecue.

"Look on the bright side," I say, "it could have been a Grade 15 hurricane."

"That's beside the point," she says. "The Government said it had ordered the next rain for Wednesday morning, between 09.00 and 11.30 am."

"The International Minister of Weather claims it's due to a clerical error and that lessons will be learned." We've heard that one before.

weather vanes
looking
for directions

My wife hasn't really trusted climate control experts since the Grade 16 bolt of lightning which drilled a hole in London's iconic Westminster Bridge in 2124. The one they forgot to warn us about.

She also reads that the International Climate Executive has postponed the planned rain forest in the Sahara (which will no doubt please the camels). And apparently the Swiss have put in an unscheduled order for some of our snow, Beijing has disappeared again under a blanket of smog, and New Yorkers are being attacked by moths.

My wife has lost patience. She's postponing the barbecue until Wednesday (Grade 2 soft breeze). But at least on Monday she should get the spring flowers I've ordered from the Antarctic. I hope.

time-switch problem
the sun
late this morning

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