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A Quarterly Journal
Jeffrey Woodward, Founder & Owner
Ray Rasmussen, General Editor

Volume 12, Number 1, March 2018

Nancy Hull
Halton Hills, Ontario, Canada

My December Visitor

As usual he arrives exactly when my "to do" list is at its longest with Christmas shopping, baking, decorating and social obligations. I am unaware that he is here until he straps on his crampons, those spikes that glacier explorers attach to their boots, and stomps around inside my nose, sinus cavities and throat. He takes a feather out of his bag of torture instruments and tickles my mucus membranes, a little here a little there. I sneeze everywhere. In each sinus cavity my uninvited guest pauses at the control panel and turns the valve that controls mucus production beyond MAX into the DANGER: CATASTROPHIC FLOODING zone and sadistically stuffs his down jacket into one sinus opening blocking off drainage ensuring an escalation of pressure and pain. He makes forays into my tear ducts and eustachian tubes, plugging them up with dirty socks, clouding vision and hearing. On a whim he resets my thermostat to 40C. With a final leer he lights a bonfire in my throat and sprinkles glowing embers into my joints and muscles.

to do list –
add Dr. Kevorkian to
cell phone favourites



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